


Beating

by Hock_hug



Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [33]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Dealing With Loss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magical Realism, Specifically the end of the 18-19 season
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 07:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21388675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug
Summary: Tuukka healed whatever he could, even though he couldn't heal the one thing he wanted to
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Patrice Bergeron/Brad Marchand, Zdeno Chara/Tuukka Rask
Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1122324
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	Beating

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hold Your Heart Close](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16790497) by [AraSigyrn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AraSigyrn/pseuds/AraSigyrn). 

It wasn’t goalie magic. At least, this part of it wasn’t, but Brad still called it that as Tuukka held his heart in his hands for the third time this week. Tuukka didn’t get why Brad didn’t just tell Patrice, but he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t his place to, not really, even though he had held Patrice’s heart in his hands mere hours ago for a very similar reason. It was normal for hearts to go through a bit of wear and tear, mostly bruising and hairline fractures, but sometimes they ended up cracked, or worse. Tuukka had only ever seen a truly broken heart once, and he never wanted to see anything like it again. He had been able to fix it, but just barely, and the heart’s owner was never the same. 

He handed Brad’s heart back, good as new, and went about getting ready for practice. It wasn’t unusual for his teammates to come to him before or after practices and games, but they knew better than to do so when he was getting ready, so he was left to himself until he was on the ice, and then it was all business as usual. He blocked most shots, and he tried to let go of the ones he let in. He joked with a few of the guys, chirping them until their competitive streaks finally got the best of them and they fought to get pucks behind him. Once practice was over, he undressed and waited just a moment to see if anyone would come to him, and when no one did, he showered and went home.

He loved being able to take care of his team, as little as he showed it. He’d grumble and complain a bit about the guys being too needy, but quite frankly, he needed it just as much as they did. He’d never tell them, but every time one of them handed him their heart, his healed a little bit. He was Tuukka Rask, angry, snappy, and secretly sappy as hell. Almost everyone on the team has made their way to him at some point, with only one exception.

Chara obviously loved the team with every inch of his being, which was a lot. He gave everything he had for them, and though most couldn’t always see it, Tuukka was a goalie, so he’d have to be blind to miss it. Sometimes, though, it was plain as day as Chara would break himself for the team, and Tuukka couldn’t imagine what the state of his heart was, but Chara never came to him. Tuukka made it a point never to offer his services to anyone, and Chara was no exception, but sometimes he had to hold himself back from offering everything he had just so Chara could be okay.

The worst part of Heart Magic was knowing when things weren’t quite right, and he knew Chara’s heart was in a bad state, getting worse as the days passed whether they’d win or lose, but he still never came and Tuukka still never offered. It wasn’t his place to, and if Chara didn’t want his help, he wouldn’t give it, no matter how badly he wanted to cup his heart in his hands and heal every inch of it. 

—

Tuukka kept doing what he always did, and life moved on even if his thoughts didn’t. He thought about it while he was in goal, blocking as many shots as he could see, he thought about it when Patrice wasn’t fast enough and Brad finally found his heart in his locker, he thought about it as he soothed his own heart before he fell asleep each night. Nobody else could tell, he knew, because they’d all do anything for their captain. There’s nothing to do, though, when you don’t know that anything is wrong.

—

Tuukka’s heart didn’t wander as a rule. It had left his chest without his permission maybe twice in his life. Once, he found it tucked next to his brother in his crib, and the other time he found it tucked in the back of his crease. Both times he quietly tucked it back in his chest and felt it warm him with the type of love he could never shake, not that he ever wanted to. He played his heart out (metaphorically) and he loved the game more than almost anything. His heart sang, but it stayed tucked in his chest, right where it belonged, right until it didn’t.

They lost, again, they didn’t get the cup, again, and Tuukka was tired. He was angry, too, seething really, but the exhaustion won out. He dressed himself after the game, dealt with whatever media dared to get too close, and drove home. He didn’t realize that his heart was missing until he was showering, and the realization was jarring enough for a few tears to slip down his cheeks. He pulled himself together and quickly finished showering. He was barely dressed before there were a few knocks at his door, and he knew who it was before he got to the door.

“Hello, Tuukka,” Chara said softly. The bags under his eyes seemed darker than the night sky, and he seemed to wilt slightly. “May I come in?”

“Of course, Z.” Tuukka moved back to let him in and closed the door behind him before moving into his kitchen and starting his kettle. He needed some tea, and he was sure Chara wouldn’t mind some either. Once it was done, he came back to find Chara sitting on his couch, his large frame dwarfing what had been one of the largest couches Tuukka could find. He smiled when Tuukka set his tea in front of him and gestured to the spot beside him. Tuukka sat close enough to offer comfort if it was needed, but far enough for it to be proper. He set his tea down and settled before Chara began to speak.

“I know you weren’t expecting company, and I doubt you want any,” Chara said wryly. Tuukka opened him mouth to protest, but Chara cut him off. “I won’t be long. I just figured you’d want this back.” 

Before Tuukka could ask, Chara reached into his hoodie pocket and pulled out his heart. Tuukka felt the empty space in his chest ache as he took it back, gently cradling it in his hands, soothing over the deep hurt and bruises that their loss left behind. 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t win this for you.” 

Tuukka couldn’t help the shock that coursed through him at that, and before his brain could catch up with him, he was protesting.

“I should be the one apologizing. I let too many in, I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t fast enough, I wasn’t-” enough. For Chara, for the team, or for himself. It hurt to think about, and something must’ve shown on his face because between on second and the next his was being pulled against Chara’s side. He let himself rest there for a moment, soaking up whatever comfort he could, before sitting up again. He realized that his heart wasn’t in his hands anymore, it was in Chara’s lap, and although he didn’t remember dropping it, he easily could’ve. He tried to push down the voice in the back of his head saying he didn’t, he never drops his heart, because he was terrified about what it meant. He knew, on some basic level, that he loved Z, but he never let himself really think about it. He let himself risk a glance up at Chara and the look of utter fondness he found there left him flushed and mildly embarrassed. He suddenly felt so small, which wasn’t an uncommon feeling when he was next to Chara, but this time was different. It left him nervous and anxious and ready to bolt, with or without his heart. Before he could do anything, Chara took his hand and placed his heart back in it. Tuukka quickly tucked it away and began to move away again only for Chara to take his hand and hold it. Tuukka couldn’t meet his eyes, so he took to staring at his own lap. It was then that he noticed the heart there, small, red, and obviously aching. He took it in his hands immediately, looking it over gently. There were cracks and bruises and welts covering it, and Tuukka hurt just looking at it. He rubbed his thumbs across it with all the care he had in him, letting his own love heal the wounds covering the poor thing. Something finally clicked when he had finished soothing every ache the heart had, and his eyes snapped to Chara’s.

“Is this…?”

Chara nodded, smiling softly. “It’s mine.”

Tuukka couldn’t do anything but stare for a moment, before reaching out to hand it back. He had finally gotten to heal Chara’s heart, finally got the chance to hold it in his hands and soothe every ache he could find, and it was because it had fallen into his lap. Chara’s heart came to him.

Chara gently pushed Tuukka’s hands and his own heart away.

“It may be mine, but it belongs to you. I trust you to take care of it.”

Tuukka would. He held the heart close to his chest, felt it beat along with his own, and swore that he’d protect it with his life. He may not have done enough for the team, but he could do this.

—

If his own heart was gone in the morning, if it was cradled to the chest of the man who trusted his with his own heart, Tuukka wasn’t going to say a thing about it. He had a heart to protect.


End file.
